Dead Birds... I talked to Hoot this morning, seems downtown Austin woke up to find a bunch of dead birds and quarantined a 10-block section of Austin while guys in hazmat suits scooped up the feathered victims. The birds have been shipped off to various places for testing and in the meantime Hoot will probably be allowed back to work this afternoon.
Patrick Palmer of the Glassell School of Art (which is connected to MFAH and St. Thomas University) was the judge for the upcoming show at M2 Gallery. The show, "Go Figure" features works based on the human figure. I am excited to say that one of my recent paintings ("Youth") made it into the show. The reception will be this Saturday and the show runs the month of January....Yes!!!!
Yesterday, I went nuts and trimmed all the trees and bushes throughout our yard. Today, I can NOT hardly use my hands they hurt so bad. I keep running warm water over them because the warm feels so good...crazy!
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I have a tendency to sink into dark places at times (not just menstrual times either damnit). As a survivor, I learned long ago to suck it u...
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As you can clearly see Humprey was looking dapper this morning when I checked on him on the way out the door for work. Stealing yet another...
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Congratulations! Isn't that the painting that your "art critics" tore up on that website you use? Go rub it in their faces.
Gordy posted photos of you cutting the yard, you know when your hands have healed, you are welcome to come over and do the same at our house!
No charge!!
Yep! That is the painting... I'm not sure what I might say, other than perhaps "HA!" :)
I'll be over to cut your yard ASAP...yup... :)
Without pain there is no gain...You might say ok, I've learned, or you might say that while this isn't the playboy ideal (and we all should strive for that) this is the strong female body that I encounter on a daily basis. This is the body that worked, this is the body that got up at 5:00 after working a shift until 1:00 to feed you. This is the body that had to brace against the walls cause the feet hurt so bad as you walked down the steps (forgive me that I can't wear heels now). This is the body that has absorbed a 1000 hurts, yet still starved to fulfill some unattainable ideal of something that approaches valuable in the current market. A woman's body seems to be an entirely undesirable thing in this day and age. Unless you are willing to cut, and implant, and suck out..and it's a hard thing, that your body that brought life into the world and more importantly took care of these lives, does not measure up to the current ideal of what a woman is. I wish I could love my body, but I don't, so Mikie, paint on, maybe you'll hit upon a nerve somewhere that these bodies are beautiful, stalwart hips and all, because this is the reality of life.
Oh Sister where art thou?
Hey hey HEY! I'm here :) Where art thou?
I'm caught in a place that I've never been before. When I was younger it didn't matter what was thrown at me, I could handle it. Might sound trite, but what has broken me is that I couldn't make it better for my kids. When I was growing up the thing that kept me strong was that I had faith that this all will pass, and if I kept strong, and just got through it, I would have a good life. And by being a good person, and working hard, the rewards would be there for my kids. Ultimate joke on me, I've burned myself out working for them, and they could care less. They look at me now, and I'm tired. I'm not fun, and the hell of it all is they won't remember how I busted my ass for them. So where am I? Tired, I am very damn tired.
First let me tell you that everything else i say in response to your words is based on one thing, and that is that I love you!
You say:
"I'm caught in a place that I've never been before..."
It is good...You are recognizing this place and the fact that something has got to change.
You say:
"When I was younger it didn't matter what was thrown at me, I could handle it..."
No you could not, or it would not still be with you. forgive yourself for not being able to handle "it." You and I share a common thread in that we expect everyone to be strong...our own selves most of all.
You say:
"Might sound trite, but what has broken me is that I couldn't make it better for my kids..."
The only reason you suspect that it would sound trite is that some where inside your self you have already recognized "not making it better for your kids" is not a valid reason to continue living life unhappy. You DID do better for your children, there were/are environmental/social factors out of your control and quite simply, your children have been forging their own path for some time...they are their own people now, not a side effect of you.
You say:
"When I was growing up the thing that kept me strong was that I had faith that this all will pass, and if I kept strong, and just got through it, I would have a good life. And by being a good person, and working hard, the rewards would be there for my kids. Ultimate joke on me, I've burned myself out working for them, and they could care less. They look at me now, and I'm tired. I'm not fun, and the hell of it all is they won't remember how I busted my ass for them. So where am I? Tired, I am very damn tired..."
You are in the beginning of realizing that you want to live life in a different way, you want to allow yourself to be happy. You are tired of living unhappy.
Again I want to reassure you that the world no longer sees your children as a reflection of you or your ability (or lack as you see it) to raise them. It is time to let go of the futile guilt, see the good that you HAVE done, the obstacles that you HAVE overcome. There is a glimmer of hope, allow yourself to see it, allow yourself the luxury of KNOWING that you DID and STILL DO many things right and that you ARE a good person, a creative person, an extremely intelligent person.
I love you Cheryl, hang in there, and start believing in the good that is you.
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