Monday, June 11, 2007

a long story about doing dishonest things (aka confession)

When I was 16, fresh from a year-long residency at the Hope Center Wilderness Camp for juvenile delinquents, not all the lessons I had learned at camp had quite settled in my brain yet and I managed to convince my mother who had pretty much given up on me, to allow me to go live in downtown Houston.

I went there to live with my girlfriend from camp... Not wanting to appear afraid of doing the job, I found myself working in a nude modeling studio at another persons suggestion. It was an awful job - full of perverts, deviates, drinking, and self-preservation via other mind-numbing substances.

I learned how to trick a lie-detector test that summer because vice came in and made all the models take tests to ensure that they were old enough to be working in such a place. It should come as no surprise, most of the girls were not... and yet we all passed the test... payoff or did we really fool the test?

It is at this place I met a customer (a man about mid-thirties who liked to see me tied up) who began to come in repeatedly to see me and claimed that he was falling in love with me and wanted to marry me. One day, while not at work I was walking with my girlfriend, and her OTHER girlfriend (of course I did not know at the time we were all sharing the pie) This customer pulled his car in front of us, cutting us off and saying that he had a surprise for me, he had gotten me a ring.

My first reaction was a little bit of fear at being tracked down in real life by a customer. But my two cohorts in crime quickly nudged me and encouraged me to go along, get the ring, later we could go to a pawn shop and sell it, and never see the man again.

We had a very bizarre mini-celebration at the Shakeys drive-in on Westheimer. He bought all three of us burgers and after all was said and done we had him drop us off at a fake location... said good bye... and then as soon as we could, made our way to a pawn shop. That was supposed to be the end of it - we were so sure of ourselves and our evil plan.

In trying to find me, This man, managed to find out my real name (models did not use their real names) - he also found out my mom's real name, her address, and phone number. He began to call her telling her he was worried because he was unable to locate his future bride. By the time I moved back home with mom, the man actually showed up with his two young children (YES! HE HAD KIDS) one night to introduce them to their new mother. Mom bravely faced him in the driveway, telling him that he was mistaken, I was much too young and that he should forget me and never call, write, or show up again.

I was so scared at seeing this man standing in our driveway that I wanted to run to a back window of the house, climb out, and run until I could go no further, but instead stood frozen in my place, watching mom silouetted by the headlights of the mans car which was still running and listening to her voice... and his voice, and watching as one of his small children (at his order) dashed to the front door of our house delivering an easter basket full of gifts for me. He did finally collect his children and leave.

For years this man sent me things in the mail, called, and stalked me. Two days after learning to drive a stick-shift I recieved a card in the mail that asked: "So Daisy, have you learned to shift gears yet?" and went on to say that he looked forward to the day when we would be together eternally in heaven. I received many cards like this over the years. He often mentioned things I was doing and the belief that we would meet up on some mountain where there, we would become eternally bound.

By the time I had my first daughter, he was still writing, sending packages, calling me at odd hours when my husband would be working the grave yard shift. One night he called back at least a half-dozen times, I broke down in fear for my new baby suffering some terrible fate at the hands of a crazy man all because of my dishonest act as a 16 year old and begged the man to stop calling me.

At one point as soon as I hung up, I called the police. The whole scenario did not lend itself to any sort of empathy on behalf of the policeman I spoke with - and rightly so, in many ways I deserved this... but I knew my baby did not, and if anything happened to her it would have been a horrible thing. Back then, there were no stalker laws, there was nothing you could do about the calls, about the cards, or packages. Even though the officer agreed the words used by the man were creepy - unless the man came right out and said "I am going to kill you" There was absolutely nothing the law could do to stop it and suggested I simply keep my phone off the hook when not wanting to receive calls.

My husband, daughter, and I moved from that house. More years went by and Mom continued to receive things addressed to me in the mail from the man. He did not conceal his identity so mom managed to track him down. She contacted HIS parents and told them of all the things their son had done over the years and asked them to do everything in their power to discourage and stop their son.

That was about the time the calls, cards, etc. stopped.

Why on EARTH did I write this? Well, it is something (one of the things) I did that I have forever felt guilty about (taking that ring and selling it) - but also because I can see that someone from the town of his last residence (that I know of) has started coming to this website - repeatedly. I can't help but say that seeing this in the stats sent an alarm off.

At the extremely bizarre chance this visitor could be that man (you and I both know who you are) I apologize to you for my selfish actions as a fucked up teenager, and would like to reimburse you for that ring.


paisley said...

this is not your fault. it never was.. shame on him for haunting you like this. his own children must be that age or older by now,, and he knows that they couldnt be held responsible for the actions he is forcing you to be responsible for...

call the police or the fbi, if it across state lines or whoever it is that tracks ip addresses... someone will want to track this for you... in this day and age what this man is doing, and has done is no longer tolerated...

you are not alone... it could very well be nothing... but you owe it to your own peace of mind to have it checked out by the proper authorities....

i did a lot of shitty stuff in my past... my blog is full of it... but i answer to no one but me,, and neither do you....

Michael-Ann said...

Paisley thank you for your supportive words, I read your words over in your blogs and I feel like I know you, or at least in some ways we share common threads in our pasts.

I am positive what haunts me most with this man is not him actually, but my own guilt most of all.

It is funny with people like myself, even the people closest to me do not seem to think I have much in the way of remorse over my past and so never seem to fail to take an op to remind me how I caused them pain in some way or another (not saying what they do is bad or good - it is, just the way it is ya know?)

and yet.. if they only knew, I am truly my most unforgiving critic :)

Shelli said...

M - oh my God!!! how horrible, terrible, scary!!!
am so sorry you had to go thru all that! it reads like a plot for law & order, svu. i hope the situation is resolved in your favor, once and for all.

Suzanne said...

I can identify with your feelings of guilt... We all regret things from the past and sometimes these feelings still hurt...Without mistakes, we would never learn.

I think that this man was gravely mentally ill...The obsessive behavior was creepy enough but I mean involving his children in the whole scenario...Not only was that damaging to their psyche but that was just a creepy thing to do...Hopefully, he got the proper treatment...
If you ever feel threatened by anyone, I agree with Paisley call on the authorities better be safe than sorry...

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