Tra la la boomdeeyay! I'll take yer pants away...

I have a tendency to sink into dark places at times (not just menstrual times either damnit). As a survivor, I learned long ago to suck it up and keep my moroseness to my self - nobody likes a sniveling, self-pitying, overwhelmed female... and I find with my age public tolerance of my "eccentricities" becomes less and less. That being said, now you know the reason for my lack of posts.

It dawned on me that if I write my "argh-stuff" here it really doesn't matter because those who are interested will read, those who aren't will move on. The reason I blog is really a selfish thing, a vent, perhaps validation too - certainly not to gain popularity in the blogsphere or to aquire new cyber-friendships based on a facade.

Okay, so here's the stream-of-conscious thoughts d'jour...

I hope everything goes well today with Jamie's confrontation with her ex-boss. I admire and am astonished at Jamie's intelligence and her courage when she expresses her thoughts and reacts to others. I hope the fellow she will be speaking with gains a bit of insight about himself after their meeting.

I'm tired of being referred to as "lucky" - My life, along with my daughter's (who I drug through my self-induced mire) has not been easy. A lot of sacrifices, hard work, learning curves, losses, mistakes- you name it.

My heart smiles this morning because I see the bank swallows have migrated back to town, there is a large drainage ditch running through the business park where I work. Way into the fall season, the swallows will work the ditch for food and mud that they build their nests with under the little bridge at the back of the park. I have canoed under many an overpass and stood on bridges bursting with the life's energy of enormous nesting colonies of these seemingly friendly, dancing, busy, chattering birds...there is pure joy to be held in standing in their frolicking midst.

My heart cries this morning because I think a kitten went for an uninvited ride to who-knows-where while napping on top of the spare tire that hangs from the undercarriage of our pickup truck.

I really, REALLY want to spray graffiti on all the new churches in our neck-of-getting-ever-so-scarce-woods with the words: Tearing down God's church to bring you our own.

Every week I go to the pet store to load up on all the various pet needs at the house and spend shit-tons of money, every time I do I feel guilty about spending that kind of money on animals... when I could feed a starving kid on a dollar a day - seems like in a matter of a year I could be saving half of Africa's children on the amount of money I spend to fill the gullets of critters who sole purpose in life is to eat, sleep, shit, and make more of the same... not too mention make my house stink.

I have a problem with being able to say "no" to friends and peers. Which is odd because I have NEVER had a relationship with another human who shared that characteristic with me. I also have a problem with asking for anything, when I do finally ask it is because I am desperate. Good thing is I have not been desperate in a long time.

Having money is nice, but it leaves a wide open door to the "luxury" of focusing on emotional/behaviorial/bullshit crap.

Everywhere outside has been dusted with the powdery sulphur-colored substance produced by spring-induced horny plants. It is amazing the amount of plant-spooge covering everything. If you have ever seen microscopic images of pollen, you will know that they look fascinatingly alarming with their spikes and tendrils reaching out in hopes of attaching to something meaningful.

I wish I could spell better.

Isto!

A Blast from the Past

Moments ago, the existence of this video clip on YouTube was brought to my attention. I plead the 5th to any inquiries regarding the identities of the participants in this blatant act of snowman abuse.

Oh well...

After doing only a second of googling, I have to come clean and admit that the article I posted prior to this post most likely was a hoax.

**sheepish grin**

oh well, as I understand it, it wasn't far from the real deal back in the 50's.

I still think we have come a LONG way....

and we have a long way to go.

Blog Against Sexism Day

Over in Becky's blog, which is ALWAYS choc-full o' wit, wisdom, and sexy content, I learned that today is Blog Against Sexism Day.

Sadly, I can't recall facts, never have been a fact person. I read or hear them, then promptly "record" my reaction or response, instead of the important bits regarding WHY my opinion was impacted.

So I can't do the right thing, and mention the names of women who helped initiate a change in mindset regarding the status of women in society. However, I am eternally grateful to those strong women who did what they did.

If they had not fought those battles, without a doubt, I would have been burned on a stake at a witch-roasting party YEARS ago.

A while back, Gordy was having some fun with me and posted this in his blog... I don't know who to give credit to for the scan of the article, nor do I know who underlined and highlighted the various parts. In 1955, in America, this was the real deal.



Clearly, a LOT has transpired within this country and within my lifetime to enable me to know (and unabashedly proclaim in writing) that I would gnaw my own arms off before pulling another cupcake out of the oven had some one tried to get me to live by this shit.

THANK YOU LADIES!

Michelle!!!!!

Shelli and moi enamored with the black throne at Winter Street Studios.



And I offer up to you my dear Shelli...exhibit "A" henceforth known as the dream black-toity-to-die-for (or on) as the case may be.

Boo boooooooo bunny!

Death and Dying

About 18 years ago I was asked to do a favor for my boss. She had a friend who had an intense manifestation of Lupus, but despite all the difficulties she endured, this woman continued to go to school and was at the time working toward her P.H.D. She (I'll call her Linda) needed help with desktop publishing and the layout of her thesis (entitled Perceptions of Death and Dying.)

Linda and I sat side-by-side for quite a few hours as we worked on her document. We shared many a philosophical discussion regarding people's fears of death and dying. I remember clearly deciding that it was worthless to fear or worry about inevitable death, but instead had plenty of fear regarding the unknown of HOW it would happen.

That fear of HOW it will come about still stays with me today. The first way that pops up in my mind is I don't want to be one of those people who have a coronary whilst sitting on the pot involved in a rather extreme BM. I am sure this IS the way it will be only because i don't want it to be so.

Another fear was that I would drive off the side of one of those high-in-the-sky single-lane overpasses. Years ago I had a front tire blowout while driving on one of those ramps. I managed to maintain control and get safely to the side. That day almost completely dispelled my fear of dieing with that MO.

It is along these lines that at the ripe old age of 21 I came upon one of Vonneguts books that had contained within its pages a suicide booth. A place one could go to comfortably die when they felt damn good and ready to do so. I have thought him to be a genius ever since.

I'm not sure where this was going...but had to write it down anyway.

In retrospect, I should probably add that I am NOT ready to go just yet :)

Mondays...

I'm beginning to like Mondays more and more. Why? Because I expect absolutely nothing out of them. I awake Monday morning and with my first cup of coffee and smoke designed to seduce me into my existance for yet another day, I vanquish all my weekend hopes and dreams to the land of never and resign myself once again to the M-F,8-5CST drudgery that does nothing more than provide me with the income to do what I feel i need to for the other two remaining days of the week.

Because I expect NOTHING out of Monday, Monday generally goes by quite expeditiously. What a nice gift for Monday to give.

Speaking of gifts...

The gifts i don't anticipate are wonderful beyond words. Oddly, the gifts i hope for and receive are few. Upon receipt, the gifts I expected seem unsatisfying. But if one were to compare the number of gifts I have received with the number of gifts i have given, sadly I admit I am selfishly in arrears.

What Fascinating...

...art, words, thought process, categorization, organization.

I have absolutely nothing of value to say...

...but i HAD to say SOMETHING.

If you find yourself reading this, well then I hope you have a day filled with unriveled joy, creativity, pleasure, and peace of mind.

Awww... this is such a nice post, isn't it?

I love garlic!

Again I am reminded of how closely intertwined we humans are after reading Jane Doughnut's latest mantra pertaining to the inexplicably lost innards of a once-internally-occupied round cake-like object typically elevated to it's most perfect state of golden-brown delectableness by being dropped in a vat full of searing-hot rendered animal fat.