Saturday

The guys took off with their bikes loaded in the back of the truck for Herman Park. They may ride around by the park, they may go to the zoo, they may go to the Museum of Science, they may do something else completely spontaneous. The mood here before they left was one of somber quiet, with smatterings of insignificant partial sentences. Gordy will be leaving us tomorrow morning. We don't know when we will see him again next time, most likely it is after he does some time in Iraq. Last night I could not bring myself to turn off the news radio in the bedroom as I listened to people speculate what was likely to happen in Iraq following the execution of Saddam.

Life is weird. With the chain of unlikely and unrelated events I find myself here, selfishly loving this young man like my own son, wishing I could do something to make it better, wishing I had words of wisdom to give him, falling sadly short on all accounts, only able to ask him to please wear his damn glasses despite the fact that they are uncomfortable.

He is not ready to go and is frustrated with every moment he spent sleeping or watching TV while he was on leave. His father and I are hardly prepared to tell him goodbye tomorrow. I suppose we will try to treat it like every other time we have said goodbye, like when he left for school in the morning or was taking the dog for a walk or going to work for the evening. We certainly won't let him see us cry. We will wait until we are walking out of the airport like last time. yep.

I know he won't come here to read this, he thinks my blog is boring :) so i feel okay about indulging in a little sadness. I am going to miss him and our private discussions about life/death/humanity/religion... seems every time we get together we have a tendency to "go to the dark side." shit, i hope that he comes back okay.